On the need to never stay
It may have started with claustrophobia
Of my life, of myself
Of that cage I felt I was in.
So at first, I left.
And there were things that got better
But essentially, I was the same.
So then I moved.
And went away again.
Yes, because that's what I do
Irresistibly.
I look out and imagine
So vividly so
I have to go.
There's always something
Elsewhere
That pulls me on and on and then on.
It may have sparked the wanderlust
Long ago
Curiosity
Of whatever else was out there.
It may have kept me going
For lack of alternative
For lack of belonging
For lack of recognition even.
But there was a point
Of subtle change.
A point where I stopped running from things.
A point where I could have held still,
But instead, I started following my guts
Following my truth
Finding my truth
Following through.
It was an interesting insight
When the need to never stay,
Such a strong craving it was
Dressed as lifestyle,
Became part of me.
As the freedom to keep on going,
As the path that brightened me up,
As the gypsy that, I think, I have always been.
Once I felt scattered
Adrift, saturated;
Incapable of committing, of community.
Now I find my peace within
Stable and flexible,
Sometimes volatile, yes,
But strong and somewhat grounded
Wherever I am.
Funny how it transformed
And matured.
And with maturity
Came confidence,
Which was all I ever needed
To stay
Or go
As I please.
Tip of the week:
So this one came out in English. And not only that: it looks somewhat as a poem. But is it a poem?
I was never trying to write one. That's not something I would attempt. What I was aiming for was to translate a feeling into words. And this is how it happened.
I find a lot of appreciation for the writing down of my emotions. It helps me to process them, to digest, to actually feel what comes as feelings themselves, while letting go of the stories behind them.
The facts that led to them are not important; the emotions are. And there are no wrong emotions. They just are.
I invite you to try this out: whenever you have an emotion that you are ready to settle down - it's better if you're not in the middle of the whirlwind of the situation that caused it - clear your mind and see what happens.
Write down whatever comes, however it comes. Then let it be for a few hours, days, weeks. For as long as you need, so you're able to look at it again with a level mind and try to find appreciation and beauty in what those feelings inspired you to create.
Try to see if in the middle of the debris of hurt, or of the mess of joy, or of the pain of anxiety, you can find the words that translate what goes on inside you, without getting lost in the explanations. And if you feel like sharing it with me in the comments, I will be honored.
And just not to miss the opportunity, I will recommend a movie that I love: Away we go, directed by Sam Mendes. If I ever find the need to settle down, this is how I would like to come about it.
Thank you for getting this far.
Have a nice week and see you soon.